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2003-08-08 - 9:47 p.m.
Who is this man ... this man they call WHEEL?Functional Name: Ryan McCormick Price (but don't tell anyone)
Assumed Titles: Mssr., Pontifex, Esq., K.S.C., CASCSG (Certification available for inspection upon receipt of notarized request) Assumed Nomenclature: Wheel Assumed Nomenclatural Suffixes: of Fish, of Morality, of Misfortune, of Null-time, of Karma, -umina, -ton McWheelton, -zilla, Co.
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| STR: 13 | INT: 18 |
| DEX: 14 | WIS: 12 |
| CON: 14 | CHA: 16 |
(as determined by RLStats. Great. I'm a sorcerer. And not a very good one.)
Hair Color: Brown, tending towards reds and golds. Highly autumnal.
Eye Color: Hazel, with what rather look like Van Gogh-esque sunflowers 'round the pupils.
Skin tones: Autumn, tending towards Summer.
Collar: 17"
Chest: 46"
Waist: 44"
Hips: 47"
Shoulders: 16"
Sleeves: 25"
Shoe size: 10.5 L/11 R
Fingers: 10
Toes: 10 (4 double-jointed)
Eyes, ears, nipples: 2
Teeth: 28 (Because I don't have any wisdom teeth, unlike you Neanderthals out there.)
Blood type: O-positive
Body type: Android
Hand type: Conical
Finger type: Straight
Foot type: Morton's foot
Vision: 20/100
Lung capacity: 9.6 cups (As according to this experiment.)
Top speed: 6 kph
Reach: 17.6 inches
Allergies: Bermuda grass, cat dander, wasp stings, blue nettles.
Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator: Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving (defined further for your convenience here.)
Enneagram: 7, an epicure.
Gardner's Multiple Intelligences:
| Linguistic | 44 |
| Mathematics | 30 |
| Visual/Spatial | 30 |
| Body/Kinaesthetic | 30 |
| Naturalistic | 37 |
| Music | 25 |
| Interpersonal | 34 |
| Intrapersonal | 35 |
FriendTest's Friend Survey:
| Does this person have a good sense of humour? | 9.8 |
| Is this person clever? | 9.5 |
| Is this person kind towards his/her friends? | 8.1 |
| Does this person have enough courage? | 7.4 |
| Does this person look attractive? | 6.3 |
| Can this person control his temper? | 6.1 |
| Is this person sane and mentally healthy? | 6.1 |
| Can this person be trusted? | 5.6 |
(You can tell they love me, but ... wait ... I can't control my temper? *I* can't control my temper? WHY, THOSE MISERABLE LITTLE BASTARDS, I'LL ...!)
Christened: Southern Baptist
Affirmed: Episcopalian
Current Status: Mono/pan-theistic, anti-establishmentarian believer in Christ's teachings, not at all fond of Peter or Saul of Tarsus, impressed by the Buddha, disquieted by Mohammed and Moses, fond of myths and legends, thoughtful regarding the Aga Khan and appreciative of St. Thomas Aquinas and Zoroaster.
Purity Score: 66% pure.
Favorite Books: The Man who was Thursday, Good Omens, The Stand, Innocents Abroad, The Devil's Dictionary, Gates of Fire, Seven Against Thebes, The Annotated Alice, Cat's Cradle, Florida Roadkill, Big Trouble, Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy From Mars, Interstellar Pig, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the Red Dwarf series, The Illuminatus! Trilogy, The Complete Sherlock Holmes, V for Vendetta, Transmetropolitan, Watchmen.
Favorite Films: The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Mystery Men, Tombstone, Pirates of the Caribbean, Time Bandits, Desperado, Spider-Man, Superman, Batman, The Blues Brothers, Twelve Monkeys, The Fifth Element, Touch of Evil, Conan the Destroyer, Joe versus the Volcano, The Last Starfigher, Mystery Science Theatre 3000: the Movie, G.I. Joe: the Movie, Transformers: the Movie, Spirited Away, the Monty Python movies, Beetlejuice, Payback, Unbreakable, Fight Club, Kelly's Heroes, Captain Blood, Lifeboat, Psycho, Dr. Strangelove, Wayne's World, Night at the Roxbury, The Big Sleep, Young Sherlock Holmes, Predator 2, Terminator 2, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Little Shop of Horrors, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Ocean's 11, Falling Down, Gojira, Duck Soup, The Cocoanuts, Rocky, The Japanese Version, Trekkies, This is Spinal Tap, Beauty and the Beast.
Favorite Dishes: Calamari, spinach quiche, pepperoni pizza, soubise, stuffed mushrooms, chicken wings, peaches, bananas Foster, sirloin, corn chowder.
Favorite Colors: Purple and yellow.
Favorite Wrestlers: Mick Foley, Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam, The Hurricane
Favorite Greek God: Pan
Favorite Exclamation: "Gadzooks!"
Favorite Cigar Size: Robusto
Ryan McCormick Price, Esq., often introduced as "Wheel" is a grinning fool of a man whose interests are entirely too varied to ever do him the slightest bit of good. He knows too much to ever know how much he knows. He is obsessive about his collections of Hawaiian shirts, Converse shoes, books, comics, cards, knick-knacks, fooferah, and dross. He has no faith in most political systems and is a confirmed cynic in the guise of a chuckling optimist. He is fiercely devoted to what he loves, and fairly indiscriminate in who and what he sallies forth to defend. He is a rogue and a pirate and a cad. He knowingly and willfully unsheathes his rapier wit even when the light touch of a blackjack is called for. He spends valuable time trying to convince sane people of the conspiracies that have defined history, he eats calamari while rhapsodizing on the intelligence of the squid, and he pockets candy bars while making pleasant conversation with innocent clerks about how difficult their jobs are. He loves engaging in sudden bouts of mortal combat, and has a propensity for delivering devastating elbowsmashes and chairshots without warning. He possesses a certain tranquility which is belied by his wide-ranging, near-manic light chatter. He is a harlequin, a prophet, and a confidence man. He is your huckleberry.
*****
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