2003-02-07 - 5:03 p.m.

XXIII. Research and Development
A. Research and Development
1. The Bozon Project
--> An effort to develop a toxin which will drain the melanin from the skin, leaving it a dead white while increasing the rate of capillary disruption in the facial extremities of the nose and lips, staining them bright red. The chemical imbalance created by the reagent will simultaneously disrupt the synapses, dulling the reflexes and causing numerous "pratfalls" while flooding the brain with reason suppresants causing spontaneuous guffawing and an uncontrollable urge to wear ruffs and floppy shoes. We estimate the effect of thousands of people suddenly "Bozofying" as a result of the administration of the toxin to a large city's water supply should be richly rewarding in terms of raw, gibbering terror. Everyone, according to our polls, fears clowns.
Cost: $144,500, for chemicals and 600 man-hours of research at the Bozon Lab underneath the Volcano Base.

2. Nightwing Program
--> An idea obtained by your agents working in the Document Shredding Division of the Department of Military Intelligence. The Army, in 1943, equipped common Mexican free-tail bats with incendiary devices attached to their feet, at the suggestion of dentist from Pennsylvania. The plan was to force the bats into hibernation and then release from a high altitude, so that they would wake up on descent and roost, under the eaves of buildings, whereupon they would explode. Unfortunately, the Army gave it up after finding out two important things: one, that it was difficult to gauge just how much freeze time the bats needed, resulting in several plane-loads of smashed batsicles and two, that the bats were difficult to restrain prior to freezing, resulting in the untimely destruction of several Army hangars and a general's car in Muroc's Lake, California. The Navy picked up the program and dubbed it Operation X-Ray, and met with some significant advances. The documents demonstrate that the Navy conclusively proved that incendiary bat bombing would set between 3,500 to 4,800 urban fires, as opposed to the 170 to 400 started by conventional firebombing. The fools stopped the project in 1945 after spending $2 million on it, when it was superseded by the overblown and artless Manhattan Project. Fortunately, we have been able to obtain all the relevant documents and purchase the assistance of many retired personnel who worked on the project, as well as the embalmed brain of Dr. Lytle Adams, the dentist who first conceived of the project. Our Cyclotroopers' 5th Division seized Carlsbad Caverns and emptied it of bats, and of course we had several million tons of incendiary devices available from the Armory inside Mt. Rushmore. The plan is well underway, and Dr. Lytle's brain has offered the cunning stratagem of infecting the bats with vampirism and commensurately delaying the devices' explosions, so they will suck the blood of thousands of innocents and THEN go to roost, settings thousands of fires which will send the hapless denizens of these foolish cities fleeing into the unforgiving bat-filled night.
Cost: $14,240,146 for purchase of personnel, restoration of Lytle's brain, apprehension and storage of bats, Cyclotroopers' hazard pay, development of bat-delivery systems, and retrieval of incendiaries.

3. The Illuminator
--> The battletank's development is nearly complete. The Pyramid at Giza was stolen at your command with no small degree of difficulty. Each brick has been coated with your trademarked alloy of impervium and vibranium and both the BabaYaga walking system and the Patton megatreads have been installed. The command center has been established in the royal chamber in the heart of the structure, with direct neural linkage available from the pilot's sarcophagus, and the Weishaupt ray has nearly been completed for installation into the four-eyed structure at the apex of the pyramid. More to the point, the trademarks and patents have all been filed, and pre-emptive movie rights and book rights to the account of the Illuminator's first rampage have been pre-sold.
Cost: $400,000,000,001.15 for raw materials, slave labor, development, construction, pyramid relocation, purchase of Grey technology from Dreamland for the Weishaupt ray, and a cup of weak tea with lemon for the Adams drive.

4. Kingdom Come
--> As per your request, we have been carefully regulating the creation and storage of superbeings for nearly a century now. From the Hall of Justice Hibernation Center to the Avengers Mansion CryoMaze, we have just under 1,024 costumed superbeings ready for release at your command. The latest project under the Kingdom Come banner, the MoorEllis device which extracts literary characters from parallel dimensions, has met with considerable success, supplying us with seemingly-endless amounts of additional personnel and simultaneously practically nullifying the considerable costs of the program. Development is practically complete
Cost: $100,000,000,000,000, less loot from Burton's Arabian Nights and Grimm's Fairy Tales, $0.48.

5. Armor Polish
--> A devastatingly effective blend of Brasso, Armor-All, Turtle Wax, nitroglycerine, adamantium-matrix nanobytes, and the heart of the dark star called X has been created, capable of keeping the most attractive lustre and preventing sun bleaching to your famous suit of purple and gold mecha-armor. While it killed over 1500 employees in testing, we have high hopes for its success in field applications.
Cost: $59,000,013.98 for procuring materials and death benefits.

Cost XXIII: $500,000,073,384,661.13

XXIV. Munitions and Armory Upkeep
A. 2,300,000 Cyclotroop rifles
B. 2,300,000 Cyclotroop sidearms
C. 2,300,000 suits of Cyclotroop armor with Targa breastplates
D. 112,263 Cyclotroop Captain HUDaimyo helmets
E. 17,760 Cyclotroop Command Centers
F. 1863 WheelTronic Battlezords
G. 112,463 Wheelfiltration Adapt-a-Droids
H. 1,988,119 CropCircler hoverships
I. 51 Bruckheimer motherships
J. 1900 Grey overlord battlekilts
K. 13,500,007 mobile cloning vats
L. 1977 lightsabers
M. [nigh-infinite] explosives of various sorts including black powder, thermite, gelignite, C4, C8, C12, hand grenades, incendiary grenades, timers, dynamite, raw TNT, nitroglycerine, Greek fire, briefcase explosives, thermonuclear sling pellets, and others as seen in Appendix 22a.

Cost XXIV: $58,000,000,000,000

Note: Please refer to sections XIII and LI for further notes on munitions H-L and the concurrent secret alliance under the heading Skywalker Ranch. Also, Dr. von Wheel, you may want to send a bonus to the accountants for coming several billion dollars under budget. Perhaps you could let some of them have their thumbs reattached? Merely a suggestion, milord. Hail \/\/heel.

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