2002-11-06 - 5:23 p.m.

The asses are in full braying retreat , running like Spaniards before the sodden, gilded elephant, drunk on the blood of saints and martyrs, the technicolor gore of a thousand noble souls on his cracked yellow tusks.

Magnifique.

But worry not, citizens! There's an upside to everything, as we say here at the WheelCo.

Now we conspiracists will finally get a chance to see if everything we've been hypothesizing about since approximately the Nixon administration will prove true.

Because there's NOTHING standing in the way of the greedheads, warhawks, spittle-emitting dictators, One Worlders, intelligence cultists, brain-dead inbred heirs of the Ameristocracy, real estate developers, gerrymandering lawyers, and far-right zealots that comprise the Grand Ole Party. They can make America into their own personal playground in way not even imagined in the deepest orgasmic daydreams of the party machine that put a mediocre actor into the White House in the 1980s.

Black helicopters landing in crowded city streets to abduct student protesters, grassroots politicians, black radicals, broadsheet journalists, and Yogi Berra?

Wholesale arrests of entire neighborhoods and voting blocs on the grounds of the newly-awakened Treason & Sedition Laws?

Internment of everyone not matching a certain genotype?

Tactical eradication of enclaves of people not willing to submit themselves to the gentle rule of the home authority, as has already happened through the good graces of the F.B.I., the B.A.T.F., and the Special Forces?

Why not?

The sky's the limit? HARDLY! There's enough spy satellites up THERE to choke a large space donkey, silly citizen!

Ah, but what will the rest of the world think of our descent into slavering political turpitude? Perhaps we noble-artistic-liberal-intellectual-cringing souls can flee to the green fields of France and spend the rest of our days as expatriates, writing O-level literature and intoxicating ourselves into a state of blissful hallucination?

Not bloody likely.

You see, America (That's you, citizens! But not us. We here at WheelCo have cautiously excised ourselves from all blanket references to "America" in order to be more effective critics) has already demonstrated her relative complacency at being represented in the global theatre by an idiot boy-king who casually and thoroughly alienates the rest of the world and seeks the immediate extermination of any nation designated as "evil" by his morning throw of the Dart of Vengeance at the Rand McNally world map in the War Room.

So we'll have very little to complain about when the pachydermated Senate and the automatons in the Supreme Court start rubberstamping our beloved leader's lunatic fancies.

Don't worry, though.

When the time comes, the latest CNN polls will demonstrate that you are, in fact, an ardent supporter of the executive decision to rain nuclear death down on Western Europe.

Or maybe you're a freebooter.

In other news, my bike has died.

Long live my bike.

I need a new machine, and I've only got about hundred bucks to stretch in my budget for this month.

Damn the nation. If it ain't the end of personal freedom, it's the loss of personal transportation.

I want a Taboo Tiki, but I don't have $400 to spare.

Brother, can you spare 4,000 dimes?

And I'm still teaching kindergarten, although the attempted suicide of my bike on my way to work almost cost me my non-job.

Fortunately, they realized that it would still be easier to keep me on than to do anything else and that it would be bad to stick ANOTHER new teacher in front of the poor kids.

Ah, guilt and apathy; the two most reliable forms of job security.

He asked guiltily:

Is that a healthy attitude for a kindergarten teacher?

He decided apathetically:

Ehhhn ... why not?

Open your books to .... ahhh, forget it. Just go do ... some ... thing. I'm gonna go ... over here.

No, no. I'm quite a good teacher, honestly.

Just a bit ... lackadaisacal.

Fortunately, that's just what kids need at this age.

That and the occasional savage pummeling.

- My last \/\/heel and testament

*****

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